So we have all seen those guys on the TV with their little voice recorders picking up disembodied voices from the unknown and we think to ourselves, “Why by jove! I can do that!”
I see many newbie investigators running off to Amazon, buying themselves a digital recorder and then posting crappy YouTube videos of static exclaiming that “There are voices! They say…” and then annotating the living daylights out of the video.
We at the Ghost Trust are here to inform and educate you on the best way to do the crappiest EVP session possible to make sure YOU get the very best in false EVP evidence for your channel.
Here they are:
1. Always buy the cheapest voice recorder possible, if it’s under £10 then you are good to go. If you can, get one that’s made of thin plastic.
2. Hold your recorder very tightly when doing a session.
3. After asking your question make sure to wave the recorder around in the air as much as possible to capture those spirit voices.
4. While waiting for the spirits to reply, start fiddling with the recorder, perhaps you could start to pick of that sticker that tells you it’s also an MP3 player?
5. While doing a session walk around! Don’t worry a spirit will follow, even if it’s tied to a certain spot.
6. While you are at it, while waiting for a reply, don’t worry if your leg does dead or you are uncomfortable, shift about, change positions have a good long stretch while you are at it.
7. In a group, never speak loudly and clearly while doing an EVP session, whisper as quietly as possible, you don’t want to talk over the spirits now do you?
8. Wear waterproof jackets and trousers, sure they might be the noisiest clothing known to man, but you don’t wanna catch a cold do you?
9. If your arm is getting tired, pop your recorder down near a window or a door. Don’t bother putting it on a table or a chair near the middle of the room, the draughts will keep it nice and cool.
10. When asking questions, talk as loudly as you can with the recorder as close to your mouth as possible, then when waiting on a reply (if you aren’t waving it about or it’s not n a handy draughty windowsill) keep it real close to your mouth while you wait for a reply.
11. Last but not least ask a question and then keep talking, if you get stuck for things to say, you can insult the intelligence of the intelligent spirit you are talking to, talk about the ‘little black/silver/red’ box in your hand and how it captures voices, then if you get bored of explaining that to your spirit, talk to your mate about weekend plans and how wasted you were last weekend.
I shouldn’t have to say this, but I dunno sometimes, the list above is 11 examples of what you should not do on an EVP session. If you want to know what TO do, then just read back through and note down the opposite.
I have witnessed every single one of these things being done, in real life and by the ‘professionals (lol)’ on television.